Avast ye, I'm Lord Cecil Büttasse Milkbottom. I enjoy being made into a swishkabob by swarthy Portugese sailors, I also like Calgon baths (if you know what I mean), peg legs and vacant glass eye sockets.
My biggest turnoffs include workng beneath decks, mismatched flatware, splintery half-masts (you know who you are) and peg legs (ouch).
My ideal first date: Bilge sucking.
Favorite food: Those Cheddar Biscuits at Red Lobster.
If you happen to be a Portugese sailor with a glass eye, and in need of a bilge sucking, give me a ringy dingy. Just e-mail Swishbuckler@gmail.com use subject line "Lord Cecil Büttasse Milkbottom".