Friday, April 22, 2011

Lord Cecil Büttasse Milkbottom

Avast ye, I'm Lord Cecil Büttasse Milkbottom. I enjoy being made into a swishkabob by swarthy Portugese sailors, I also like Calgon baths (if you know what I mean), peg legs and vacant glass eye sockets.

My biggest turnoffs include workng beneath decks, mismatched flatware, splintery half-masts (you know who you are) and peg legs (ouch).

My ideal first date: Bilge sucking. 

Favorite food: Those Cheddar Biscuits at Red Lobster.

If you happen to be a Portugese sailor with a glass eye, and in need of a bilge sucking, give me a ringy dingy.  Just e-mail use subject line "Lord Cecil Büttasse Milkbottom".  

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Timmy Two Sabres

Ahoy! My name is Timmy Two Sabres.  I'm a Sagittarius.  I enjoy long walks on the beach, sunsets, swabbing the deck and an occasional lashing. I'm looking for very tall second mates and Krakens.

My turn offs are life jackets, flares and life rafts (I don't need any protection) and clams (ew!)

Just e-mail use subject line "Timmy Two Sabres" to find out if that's a belt of live dynamite around my waist or if I'm just happy to see you sailor.

Favorite song: Blow the Man Down

Favorite Drink: Anything with fruit on a stick poking out of it.